Top 10 List Of What Not To Say To Me If I Am Interviewing You For A Position.

10) Nothing personal, but I think working in commercials would be a good jumping off point to get to my real goal- to work in film. (Oh really? Well then go get a job in film.)

9) You guys do Post Effects right? (NO jerkoff. Why didn't you go to our website (WHICH I LISTED ON THE JOB ADVERTISEMENT) to see what we actually do before coming to the interview. It's called PREPARING.)

8) Will I be guaranteed a job after the 3 month internship? (Would it be called a 3 month internship if there was a guaranteed permanent job at the end of it? If you haven't managed to piss me off after the three months has passed, I'll let you know if something permanent has opened.)

7) How old ARE you??? (I shit you not.)

6) I'm also a freelance actress and was wondering if I could leave early Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for my "method" class. Oh and I may get last minute auditions that I'd have to run out to but you don't have to pay me while I'm gone. Oh, and if you could consider me when you're casting in L.A. that'd be great. (Not for all the tea in China sweetie.)

5) I applied for this internship two years ago but I never heard from you. (Crap! I knew you looked familiar! You're the one who listed taxidermy has a hobby. Eeew.)

4) What can I say that will convince you to hire me? I'll wash your car. I'll wash your boss's car! What's your favorite color? (Security!!?!?!)

3) I'm a director. I graduated Art Center. I brought my reel for you to view. My influences are Terry Gilliam and Darren Aronofsky. I take my work very seriously and would like this opportunity to grace your company with my presence. (Go F yourself.)

2) Hey, can I have a couple quarters for the meter? (You must be kidding. Or you must REALLY need this job.)

1) I went out on a limb here and brought you some avocados. Do you like avocados? (Yes.) I brought you some from my mom's yard. (Hands me plastic bag with about eight of them in it.) Do you like music? (Uhh, yeah.) Here, I took the liberty to make you a CD of a band I like. I'm a go getter, and as you can see, I'm pretty good at reading people! So when can I start? (How bout' never times infinity? Do you like infinity?)

I'll have a Veggie Burger with a side of hypocrisy

Today is day seven of no meat. I'm really taking my resolution seriously and for a moment I started to pat myself on the back. One whole week of me not contributing to the mistreatment of animals! Not too bad. Has my PETA card arrived? Pam Anderson's gonna be my new best friend!


However, I have been eating enough fish these past few days to have every stray cat in the neighborhood surround my car when I get home. And from what I've read, the fishing industry isn't much better. But ya know? I can only do so much! I haven't committed to cutting meat out completely, but I must admit this last week didn't require that much effort or sacrafice.

Yesterday at the grocery market I did buy a pork tenderloin and ground turkey. I told my husband I'd cook the tenderloin, (which he LOVES,) tomorrow night. But to be perfectly honest, I could go another week meat-free. It's not fair for me to expect him to eat twigs and berries with me just because a book inspired me. Also we're going out to dinner for a friend's birthday here Saturday night and you bet your tushy I'll be getting me some braised meat! YUMMMMM.

In other news, last night the Hubbie and I had a lovely dinner, (salmon cakes over salad) and wine and discussed going to Italy. I showed him the cities I wanted to visit and told him a rough itinerary I was thinking about. He asked that I put it all together for him with prices of air, hotel, lodging, trains- all in an easy to read fashion. Than said, "That's not too much for you is it?"

The smile on his face indicated he was kidding. He knows nothing gets me hotter than making little organized binders for trips. I get little ONE thru TEN dividers and print color pictures and hotel ideas off the internet. Map directions, currency conversion tables, population and ethnicity rates....

I like to be prepared.

A good friend of mine called me C R A Z Y when I told her how much I was looking forward to doing "The Book." She said all she needs to travel is a plane ticket, sunglasses and a throw away camera. What are you kidding?

Different strokes I guess.