Generation Gap

Yesterday my grandma called me at work. This is roughly how the conversation went.

Me: "Hello?"

Her: "You know, we need to talk. We have to have a sit down. I realize you're never going to be like me. You don't push hard enough. You are too laid back and you will never get anywhere with that attitude. See, I don't take no for an answer."

Me: "Bubbie, what on earth are you talking about?"

Her: "I found the perfect house for you and you just need to make an offer on it and you'll get it."

Me: "Are you talking about the bank owned dump that I already told you we aren't interested in?"

Her: "You see! You just don't get it. This is an opportunity! It's BEAUTIFUL and in a great neighborhood. The agent said the bank is anxious to get it sold!"

Me: "I'm sure they are, it's been on the market 3 months. But I already told you we are not interested in that house and are not in a position to buy a foreclosure that needs all of that work."

Her: "You know! You just don't understand. You aren't SMART like me. You can't see what a good investment is!"

Me: "I understand where you're..."

Her: "Nevermind I have to go!!!"

And with that she hung up saying she had to go meet her friends for a card game. My face was hot with anger. I can't tell you how mad it makes me when she calls and lectures me, and when I try and tell her why whatever it is she's suggesting isn't right for us, she gets mad and insinuates I'm an idiot.

This morning I called her and said very calmly that I'd prefer she not call me with any more real estate advice, and to leave the house hunt to Hubbie & I and our agent. She got defensive and then out of the clear blue sky started in on me saying she's tired of everyone in this family thinking she's a stupid zombie who has no thoughts in her head.

Huh???

"I'm eighty six years old and I have a lot more experience than you but if you don't want to hear it that's fine! You do it your way! I won't mention any more houses ok???"

Yikes. She just lost it. The tirade progressed to her yelling at me that she can't keep up with conversations when we get together and she has "no idea what we are all talking about" when the family is sitting around chatting. She made sure to ask me if I was bringing pictures from Argentina to Thanksgiving dinner so she would have something to do while we all talked. Since, she "never has a clue" what we're discussing.

"Thank GOD for my friends. This just isn't my world. You all talk so fast and when I ask anyone to clarify I get yelled at! I just don't know what I'd do without my friends because THEY love me and THEY enjoy my company!"

I'm just at a loss. Now I'm wracked with guilt and utterly baffled that she feels she can't keep up with the conversation. We're all speaking English. She has a hearing aid, although she doesn't always wear it, but is that my fault? I feel like she was a volcano overflowing with resentment and I just happened to be in the path of the lava.

I asked her why she doesn't invite one of her friends to Thanksgiving dinner but she said they would all be with their own families, "who enjoy their company!" I guess this has been festering a while. I don't know what to do to make it better. I don't know how to include her more in conversations, especially since my mom is the impatient one and snaps if my grandma tries to add her two cents. Truthfully, I think today's outburst was directed at my mom, but I got the hit since I triggered the outburst.

Ugh. Sigh. Ok, so I guess the best I can do is talk slowly with her and try not to lose it when she says, "I found the perfect house for you," and it turns out to be that freaking dump foreclosure up the hill that we can't afford. One week til Thanksgiving. Enough time for me to figure out some topics she'd be interested in.

Why I LOVE Los Angeles

No, you read that right. I know this blog is filled with complaints about my crowded, vapid city but every once in a while I just fall in love with her. Not even the smog, traffic, graffiti or writers strike could get me down this week. Wanna know why?

I met these three people in the last five days.

Slash

Matt Sorum

Courtney Taylor

Call me a star f*cker, I don't care. What's the point of living in this town if you don't enjoy it's fringe benefits??? As I said before, I attended the book signing for Slash's new autobiography at the Whiskey a Go Go. After being shoved through the line for signatures I finally got to make eye contact with the man I swore I'd marry if I got the chance to meet him. Well there I was, eye to eye, mano y mano and I froze. He looked up at me and I said, "I've been a fan for 20 years!" He said, "Wow, thanks so much." I said, "Umm, ok, errrrr, hmmmm, well ok, ummm I love you!!!!" and practically ran away.

Oh jebus. That was not at all what I wanted to say. I'm thirty freaking three years old; I couldn't be a little more sexy? Subdued even? I guess his wife sitting next to him freaked me out a little.

*Note to book publicists when you're hosting a signing of a book written by a ROCK STAR. Tell them to leave their wives at home, so us thirty-something married women can come out and wait in line for an hour to bat our eyelashes at them for eight seconds without feeling like we're going to get a knuckle sandwich. I still have a cigarette butt this man spit out of his mouth during a concert in 1991. I keep it in a baggy with my ticket stub in my "memory" box. I realize I may sound like a psychopath to some of you, but really, I'm just a good old rock n' roll fan. (Who was sixteen at the time of the concert and all I cared about was I was holding a memento that Slash had wrapped his lips around. Yes I realize in retrospect, it's a little odd that I've hung on to it this long, but what are memory boxes for, if not to look back and remember what a nerd you were???)

Saturday night we headed to a bar for a friend's birthday, and who walks in? Matt Sorum. This will be my second time running in to him in two months! Last time was in the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport so a bar is a bit more likely, but with Velvet Revolver on tour, it's still quite a coincidence. I went over and said hello and introduced him to the girls I was with. He was gracious and sweet and talked us up for at least fifteen minutes, excusing himself by saying, "I should get back to my date now. I don't want her to get the wrong idea." Awww, cute! Again, how much do I love L.A right now? Especially when we topped off that night at The Rainbow Room for last call, surrounded by every long-haired hescher in the Thirty Mile Zone.

But the piece de resistance had to have been last night, where Hubbie and I along with two friends attended the screening of Amazing Journey: The Story of The Who, hosted by Roger Daltrey. As if that wasn't cool enough, following the movie two members of the Dandy Warhols played a quick acoustic set of Who songs. I was in hog heaven. My mom raised me on The Who and as far as I'm concerned, TOMMY is one of the best albums of all time. I was really touched by the portrayal of Keith Moon, in that he seemed just like a big kid who was somewhat lost in the "business" of being a star. Of course he had obvious drug and alcohol addictions, but there seemed to be a looming child-like innocence about him still. A sense that he really didn't know what he was doing was actually dangerous. The movie is a must see for any Who fans and is available at Amazon. I'm so glad I got the chance to see it in a theater though with good quality sound. I think I had the chills for a good hour.

We hit the bar after Brent and Courtney played and lucky for us, they were still hanging out. Here's a pic of me and Courtney, singer of the Dandy Warhols. Look at the smile on my face. I was shaking like a leaf I was so excited. After my friend snapped the pic we casually strolled in the other room and jumped up and down like maniacs screaming, "I can't believe it, I can't believe it," while Joy Division played in the background. I'd say it was a PERFECT Los Angeles evening.