New Year's Resolutions

So I started this blog to not only record my day to day, (ok ok rather, week to week,) silly former valley girl existence, but to also recall memories and set goals. Ones that I can look back and reflect upon and, well, as far as goals go- actually attain. For the first time I'm going to actually take my New Year's resolutions seriously.

No, really.

I mean it! And now that these are out in cyberspace I have to live up to them.... RIGHT? Because all 2 of you reading this will hold me accountable.

Ok, maybe not. Fine. Whatever. Here it goes.

(In no particular order...)

1) Get more active- gym, walks, yoga- ANYTHING to get my heart rate up besides drugs. (just kidding mom!) But seriously, make at least one time a week that my heart races due to something else besides one of my Director's wanting to fire their maid and asking me to do it.

2) Eat less meat. I know that makes me sound like a dirty hippie BUT, I just read Jane Goodall's Reason For Hope: A Spiritual Journey and it changed everything for me. (Since I'm pretty much daily meat eater.)

3) Travel to Italy. (LOOKING FOR FLIGHTS)

4) Do more for charity. (To my defense I do give money. But I either need to give more or donate actual time. There's no time like the holidays to make you feel grateful for what you have.) (And fight with your family =) )

5) Buy a house.

6) Start scrapbooking. (Ok, I just gagged a little too BUT, I am kinda sentimental AND know for a fact that some day I'll be drooling on myself in an old-age home and want nothing more than to see my own pictures- displayed in an easy-to-read BLOWN-UP format WITH captions fashion.) Run on sentence anyone???

7) Get pregnant. (Ok, that was REALLY hard to type.) So here's the deal. I'm pretty sure I want a kid. Of course I do, right? One kid seems ok for the time being. But it scares the living crap outta me. No more sleep. No more last minute plans. No more PERSONAL life. BUT, will I wake up one day and wonder why I didn't start having children earlier? Am I healthy enough to wait???

8) Figure out a "home-based" business with my friend, (and you know who you are,) that will allow me to, well... I don't know... NOT DRIVE THREE HOURS A DAY IN HELLISH LOS ANGELES TRAFFIC!!! Holy "crap", (expletive replaced due to unknown readers...,) when the F' did this city become so FRIGGIN crowded??? I'm officially LOSING IT.

Tonight for instance, on my way home from work I was LITERALLY banging my head to Bohemian Rhapsody (which is such a GREAT SONG!!!,) when I realized I had my "bird" finger cocked and ready. Some non-L.A. natives would think this might get me shot one day, but no, I drive through Santa Monica, Beverly Hills and Mid-City. Unless one of those beemers in front of me is "packin'", I'm pretty sure I can get my point across without being killed.

I'm sure I'll add to this in the next few days but for now, here they are.

EEEK

XO

Today Elliott Smith's Waltz #2 came on my shuffled itunes.
I wasn't prepared for such a visceral reaction, especially at work. My
stomach sank and tears welled up in my eyes. Not because Elliott is now
deceased, (no I didn't know him and I don't know why I just called him
by his first name. I hate when people do that.) I think I choked up
because I had flashed back to those feelings that he so often sang
about.

Desperation. Loneliness. Sickness.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

It reminds me of a time in my life where I was struggling to keep the
wheels on the cart and not succumb to a brown abyss. Where I spent
every day in a frantic scramble to get myself together, only to have
more and more chaos ensue.

The weird thing is, even 8 years later I still relate to this song. Only now it's under different circumstances.

I'm here today and expected to stay on and on and on
I'm tired
I'm tired

Looking out on the substitute scene
Still going strong
XO, Mom
It's ok, it's alright, nothing's wrong

Tell Mr. Man with impossible plans to just leave me alone
In the place where I make no mistakes
In the place where I have what it takes

I'm never gonna know you now
But I'm gonna love you anyhow
I'm never gonna know you now
But I'm gonna love you anyhow
I'm never gonna know you now
But I'm gonna love you anyhow

I have to go back to work now but my hope is that I never lose touch with
those feelings. Because then I'd forget to feel grateful for where I am
today, and all the things I mistakenly take for granted.