Baby Steps

Like most of my friends, my parents are divorced. Difference being, my parents were separated before I was even born, so luckily I never suffered the actual "split". I never knew my parents as a marital unit... and that just didn't seem strange to me. In fact, picturing them married seemed stranger.

I was also lucky that my mom enlisted help from my grandparents, great aunts, uncles and cousins to raise me. Yes, I was born an only child to a single parent but I was never neglected. In fact, it was the opposite. I was always made to feel special, got pretty much anything I wanted, and felt immense love and acceptance.

At one point we lived with my mom's cousin and her children. And it was a really happy time for me. I would play with my older cousins and our big dumb sheepdog in the back yard. It felt very much like a hippie house, with Cat Stevens on the record player and folk art on the walls. Yet I knew, even at the age of three, that something was missing.

Enter my step-dad.

I was so young that I don't remember the sequence of events, or how and when things transpired. All I really remember is all of a sudden this guy started coming around. And I liked him. I liked that my mom was happy around him and I felt comfortable immediately.

I was already well versed in the "step-parent" language since my dad had married a woman shortly after he and my mom split. I knew what it meant to have another parental figure that wasn't blood, so I knew when Bill came around, there was a possibility that he would stay. Of course I also realized that there was a possibility that he wouldn't.

I recall sitting in the back seat of the car while my mom and Bill were up front, and I leaned forward, (only babies rode in car seats back then,) and said, "so, when are you getting married?"

Shortly after, they would be married. I don't remember the wedding but I think I wore a yellow dress? More important are the things I remember since their wedding.

I remember him picking me up and carrying me to bed no matter where I fell asleep. And that happened a lot. And sometimes I'd be half awake, but preferred he carry me to bed rather than walk.

I remember him tucking me in and leaving the light on in the hallway after he and my mom mistakenly took me to see Star Trek-The Wrath of Khan at the drive-in. (I still cover my ear before going to sleep.)

I remember him putting together my bike and teaching me to ride. He even put a basket on.

I remember him always being the one to stay calm and collected at my skating competitions, when everyone else was coming unglued. It was comforting. I knew it was ok if I screwed up. (Of course there were a few dips in the video recording the day I fell three times during one routine.)

I remember he listened to good music and turned me on to Led Zeppelin. (At nine years old. He probably doesn't even know this.)

I remember him tutoring me in all of my math classes that I constantly struggled with. If I was him I would have shoved the pencil in my ear because I was such a dunce. (Ironically I went on to work for a company where I manage budgets, cash expenditures and two checking accounts.) He was a pretty good tutor.

I remember he would take me and a friend to his company party every year, which just happened to be a room filled with all the newest and greatest video games, all set to FREE PLAY. And, I got to miss school to attend. =)

I remember him burying my first pet, Paddington. The hamster. Enough said. =(

I remember him teaching me to drive because my mom was a nervous wreck, (hi mom!) and helping me grasp that whole "ease off the clutch" part of driving a stick.

I remember him coming in my room when I was a teenager, just to check in. To ask me how my day was. Even though I was busy on the phone, I was happy he did. (Wasn't too happy when he made me get off the phone but I guess someone had to do it.)

I remember the laughter that would fill the house when he and my mom were in a goofy mood. And it made me smile because I liked to see my mom happy too.

I could go on but the fact of the matter is, I am who I am because I had you in my life. I'm grateful for you and all that I've learned from you.

Love you. Happy Father's Day.