Top 10 List Of What Not To Say To Me If I Am Interviewing You For A Position.

10) Nothing personal, but I think working in commercials would be a good jumping off point to get to my real goal- to work in film. (Oh really? Well then go get a job in film.)

9) You guys do Post Effects right? (NO jerkoff. Why didn't you go to our website (WHICH I LISTED ON THE JOB ADVERTISEMENT) to see what we actually do before coming to the interview. It's called PREPARING.)

8) Will I be guaranteed a job after the 3 month internship? (Would it be called a 3 month internship if there was a guaranteed permanent job at the end of it? If you haven't managed to piss me off after the three months has passed, I'll let you know if something permanent has opened.)

7) How old ARE you??? (I shit you not.)

6) I'm also a freelance actress and was wondering if I could leave early Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for my "method" class. Oh and I may get last minute auditions that I'd have to run out to but you don't have to pay me while I'm gone. Oh, and if you could consider me when you're casting in L.A. that'd be great. (Not for all the tea in China sweetie.)

5) I applied for this internship two years ago but I never heard from you. (Crap! I knew you looked familiar! You're the one who listed taxidermy has a hobby. Eeew.)

4) What can I say that will convince you to hire me? I'll wash your car. I'll wash your boss's car! What's your favorite color? (Security!!?!?!)

3) I'm a director. I graduated Art Center. I brought my reel for you to view. My influences are Terry Gilliam and Darren Aronofsky. I take my work very seriously and would like this opportunity to grace your company with my presence. (Go F yourself.)

2) Hey, can I have a couple quarters for the meter? (You must be kidding. Or you must REALLY need this job.)

1) I went out on a limb here and brought you some avocados. Do you like avocados? (Yes.) I brought you some from my mom's yard. (Hands me plastic bag with about eight of them in it.) Do you like music? (Uhh, yeah.) Here, I took the liberty to make you a CD of a band I like. I'm a go getter, and as you can see, I'm pretty good at reading people! So when can I start? (How bout' never times infinity? Do you like infinity?)